Feelings (Part I): Dr. Candia-Bailey

Feelings matter. Feelings of Black women matter. The last time I wrote something to publish was in September, two weeks before my father died, and the topic of that piece was despair. It seems apropos that it is the death of a Black woman in higher education and the resignation of a Black president that have unlocked my capacity to write after nearly 3.5 months of being able to write anything of consequence. Feelings are powerful and they move us into many different types of action. They are of great significance to how we function, yet are so often disregarded.

Feelings are inescapable, and yet, in many aspects of life, we are often conditioned to compartmentalize them and push them down, so we can “work”. Black women are conditioned to rise above their feelings and personal needs to be in service to others. A form of conditioning that Angela Davis captures so well in her essay,  Reflections on a Black Woman’s Role in the Community of Slaves. In this essay, she describes the various labor role negotiations Black women make due to their gender during slavery. Roles, which to this day are eerily ongoing, they just have better titles and sometimes really great benefits and compensation too, yet all at a cost. All of the roles are essentially in service to communities at large and rarely in service to their own well-being. That is secondary, maybe even tertiary. 

In professional settings the expression of feelings that are not happy or enthusiastic, “determined”, or helpful are deemed to be evidence of one being inadequate, or not well suited for a particular role. Feelings are often considered weak and unprofessional or somehow problematic. Taking the risk to actually address and confront the conditions takes courage and bravery. It is not often done and when the effort is met with ridicule and diminishment it can be devastating. 

The death of Dr. Candia-Bailey, was unnecessary. Regardless of what “the review” of the board at Lincoln University Missouri returns with, what is evident is that someone or group of people with power behaved in a way towards another that made them “feel” less than or diminished. I anticipate the “review” may end up deploying a finding that somehow blames the victim, but maybe I will be surprised. Maybe feelings will matter to the board and not be pathologized, but I suspect what will be more salient to them is ensuring that a review protects their financial stability and recruitment of the 2024-2025 incoming class of students and retention of high performing faculty. After being in higher education in the United States for over two decades, rapidly coming up on three, working across different positions and roles in student affairs and academic appointments, I do feel somewhat qualified and adept at understanding how higher education has been designed to function in a capitalist driven economy.  Academia is a place overflowing with dreamers and people who have ideas, desire, and drive to insure they are contributing to making the world into a place that reflects a variety of beliefs and values, all of which contribute to society at large. It is also a place where bullies find themselves at home, because often, intellectual spaces, despite how conservative ideology may try to frame it, are places where one's success is in large part measured by one's mental fortitude in jumping through hoops and proving one's ability to overcome those measures, not diversity quotas or liberal ideology. HBCU’s  (Historically Black Colleges and Universities) are operating in this environment, and despite the legacies in which they are anchored, they too often adopt the same structures of PWI’s (predominately white institutions)  and therefore the leadership structure and the measures are sadly sometimes replicated. 

Unlike many Black women I know who isolate when they are struggling, from what I have read it seems like Dr. Candia-Bailey reached out to her loved ones to express her feelings and stress about her work, she took the steps to confront the person or people who were hurting her, and the outcome of her efforts was her death. I will not ever blame someone for having feelings. I will not describe the actions they take in this particular circumstance as selfish, wrong, or sinful. Rarely do we know enough about people to understand what drives their decision-making and for all of Dr. Candia-Bailey’s families and loved ones who held her close and offered her what she needed to get through until she just could not, you are not responsible.  The prevention of her death, I believe, resides with an institutional culture of higher education and societally, where power most often resides with people who are concerned with upholding the status quo, often, with what “feels” like diminished regard for those responsible doing the work that makes the day-to-day work of making the institution run. Those regarded for the daily functioning of workplaces are often diminished because those in power do not value what they offer, regardless of their title. I want to be clear, to diminish another person is violence. It takes away their agency and humanity by making them feel less than, yet it is their labor and presence which has contributed to the conditions for the success of the powerful. 

Each action of diminishment is more like an injury instead of a papercut. It imprints on how people feel and think about themselves, it reshapes perceptions of self and values. The people who diminish know what they are doing. They know they are being emotionally abusive. Watching what happened to Dr. Claudine Gay, who I so hope has a strong support network, was an explicit example of what happens to Women of Color  in higher education in so many different ways. Often it is quiet and passive, done by a whole host of people across gender and races, and often people leave to preserve themselves. Yet the injuries inflicted  influence life trajectories, parenting, and whole host of relationships in that person’s life. Everyday, I am surprised I ended up doing the work I do because much of my educational experience was an exercise in overcoming my diminishment. And I would say this goes from Kindergarten through my Bachelor’s degree. It was my masters and PhD experiences that were transformative sites for healing and reshaping how I perceived my intellect. I will also say those who lifted me up while getting these degrees were Black women in higher education who ascended and created conditions for my own success and opportunities. 

As someone who has worked in higher education for a very long time, each time a Black person ascends to a position of power one of the first things we ask, after congratulations, is how are you going to take care of yourself?  Increasingly, student affairs has become a professional pathway for many people of color who are eager to engage in work in higher education that contributes to making a climate that is better for all people in the institution. There are more and more Vice President’s of Student Affairs who are people of color. The pressure of these roles is massive. They can be scapegoated for student deaths, student dissatisfaction, retention, and a whole host of issues that contribute to institutional reputation. They also are responsible for ensuring students have access the resources necessary to eat, be housed, and healthcare. Often, they are not respected by the faculty and peers in senior leadership because they may lead with how the institutional decision making influences the feelings, thoughts and behaviors of students or they are trying to advocate for their  often overworked and under resourced staffs that are doing task of making the climate hospitable and livable for students.

 The relevance of how someone is made to feel by decision-making is regularly considered irrelevant to the execution of a particular decision or policy. How the person executing the decision or policy feels is often ignored or disregarded in service to the needs of the institution.  In higher education those responsible for the actual work that is necessary for its smooth operation is done by people who are typically highly skilled and often hired for demonstrating a facility for the work they are executing. I would argue that the more senior the role one holds in higher education, beyond the arena of student affairs or finance, you see that people are hired into positions for reasons not necessarily associated with their “skill” in working with people but for the outcomes they have had in their career. Two very different priorities, signaling to the person hired that the methods and approaches used to ascend are appropriate.  In those rare moments when feelings are considered, they are generally considered secondary to the actions that “must” be taken to protect the interest of the institution, organization or group who holds power.  

What I believe would so ideal is that as institutions move through what they need to do to be successful, is that the people in leadership represent experiences across all parts of the institution.  That leadership reflects people who have demonstrated experience working with all parts of the university in significant capacities. That people ascend who have the capacity to understand what feelings mean and what they do, that reference checks include employees about their experiences being supervised by candidates pursuing senior leadership. That feelings are not considered irrelevant, instead, they are understood as a critical data point in determining the future retention of employees and institutional climate. All I have are my most sincere prayers and condolences for the friends and family of Dr. Candia-Bailey and hope they have the support to weather the media storm that ensues.